This used to be so easy

If not exactly easy, it must have been at least doable, or I wouldn’t have lasted two of the 20-plus weeks of half-marathon training I sweated through last summer.

I’m talking about running.

I’m aware that my memory is as susceptible to clouds as an average spring day. Sometimes scenarios are not exactly as I remember. It’s some sort of protective mechanism the mind has over the body’s will, like the selective memory a mother has about the physical pain of childbirth, the sleepless nights of a child’s first few years, and the “what was I thinking” reality of life with a two-year old.

And all hail! This mind/body disconnect has practically insured the survival of our species.

My brain plays a certain loop which contains multiple falsehoods. My fantasy memory every time I think about running: me, moving swiftly and effortlessly with friends on a warm, humidity-free morning. Dewdrops twinkle playfully on perfectly manicured lawns. Not a bug in sight. The air is broken only by the calling of birds and the easy laughter…yes, laughter…I share with my running partners. Oh, I should add that I’m at my ideal weight and look absolutely breathtaking in my running skirt.

Film misfeeds and catches in the projector [here]. Lightbulb burns hole in film [here].

“So, how was your run this morning, honey?” I conveniently forget the many emails and texts I send to my husband about the sheer difficulty of running and what makes me think I’m a runner and how dare I even try, blah blah blah. (He is, as ever, patient and soothing. “Running is hard. It just is,” he says.)

If running were as fun and effortless as my memory suggests, who wouldn’t want to do it?

Whatever the cause of my selective memory, I opt to remain blissfully, hopefully single-minded about running.

I’m proud that my optimistic nature keeps me engaged in a hobby that is good for my heart, bones, blood, skin, legs, toenails… (Well, maybe not toenails.) When I think about running, especially running in the spring and summer months, I smile, rather than cringe.

That fantasy loop? I’m pressing play. Again and again and again.

Run Easy sign on Flickr by Running Engelhardt